i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
