She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
