Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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