my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
