I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry about my life...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
