you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize