The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
third nipple confirmed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
