And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
