Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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