We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
