using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize