I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
