please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
