i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize