he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
