it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
