apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
