Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
