I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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