On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
