Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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