I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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