He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
