just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
