omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I will pee on everything he values.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
