I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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