yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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