hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
