i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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