the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
