It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
