I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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