I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
