Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
