so explain again why im purple
no
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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