someone owes me an orgasm
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
