true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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