You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
