Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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