OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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