grandma shit on top of the toilet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
