Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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