I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Houston, we have a squirter
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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