What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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