Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
