when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
