The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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