So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
