I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
