$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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