I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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