my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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