I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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