nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
