i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My penis needs a shock collar
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
