How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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