I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
