What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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