Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
