i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize