I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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