his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
