Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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