you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
