i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
