and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize