So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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