i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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