If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
