And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
