alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize