been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
