Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
