I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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