It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
