Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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