Apparently you make a good broom.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
