We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The best revenge is premature balding
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize