I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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