i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
