i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
