I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize