She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
