Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize