he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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