You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
