he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
