So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
