I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
