I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize