so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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