Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize