That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
