rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
