is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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