Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize