Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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