Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
