i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
