Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize