So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
