Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
