He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
