I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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