Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
