why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
