im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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