I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize