please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
from now on my penis is your penis
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
