i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
