So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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