there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
